Buy a Book, Help a Child! | |
`Vaname Ellai' is a registered trust with exemption under Sec 80G of the Income Tax Act.
|  |
__._,_.___
.
__,_._,___
[Time-Management] Buy a Book, Help a Child!
[Time-Management] Mind, O My Dear Mind!
3rd February 2012
One of the readers wants to know how the `other' and the `observer' differ from each other.
The main difference is that the `other' position is an attached position and the `observer' position is a `detached' position. When you are attached to a point of you, you are likely to be biased. If you are detached, you will be impartial. Let me explain this by an example. Suppose you meet with an accident. You will argue that the other person was at fault; the other person will argue that you are at fault. Both of you will be defending your positions; the quality of listening will suffer. In this case you are in `self' position from your point of view; other person is the `other' position. From the point of view of the other person involved in the accident, he is in `self' position and you are in `other' position.
In this context, if a traffic police who has not seen the accident enters the scene, he will listen to both the people to ascertain what happened; he will ask the bystanders to explain to gather all the facts. Based on the best information, he will reconstruct the accident as an independent `observer' position. He will not shout, he will not blame or complain either you or the other person.
I want to narrate a very interesting incident which I came across to explain this concept. You will really appreciate the what is an attached and a detached position.
Getting curious? Keep reading….
N C Sridharan
000
__._,_.___
.
__,_._,___
[Time-Management] Mind, O My Dear Mind!
2nd February 2012
One of the purposes of NLP is to build mutually respectful and healthy interpersonal relationship. We have to succeed in this society and for this we need the goodwill and cooperation of people. To achieve this, we have the improve the quality of our relationship with others.
When we are born, we are driven purely by our own wants and needs – our toys, our possessions, our materials, etc. When we were happy, we laughed; when we were sad or hungry, we cried. We were not in any way concerned by others. This is typically the `self' position.
As we grew up in life, we got into contact with other people, our mother to start with and others as time passed. We started taking into consideration the needs and expectations of other people. We started appreciating the view points of people around us. This is the starting of the `other' position.
There is a word called `empathy'. It means putting yourself in the shoes of others and looking at the world from that person's point of view. To empathize, you need to understand the `other' position.
To get into the `observer' position, you need to grow mental maturity. You need to develop the ability to detach yourself and look the issue from a non emotional perspective. You don't develop this mindset so easily.
The `self', `other' and the `observer' point of view will influence the way we live each other and will affect the quality of our life.
Curious to know how? Keep reading….
N C Sridharan
000
__._,_.___
.
__,_._,___
[Time-Management] Mind, O My Dear Mind!
1st February, 2012
I want to discuss one more mental programme called `perceptual position'. We have three types of perceptual positions called – `the self', `the other', and `the observer'. We look at the various happenings around us from these positions. This aspect of our inner programme is also called `point of view'.
`The self' is the position from which we look at the world from our own point of view. All of us have our own feelings, emotions, experience, likes and dislikes. We have our own information, which may not be known to others. We may have our own logic and justifications to rationalize our behaviours and actions.
`The other' is the point of view of the person who is also involved with us in the same situation or experience. He will have his own point of view which may not be known to us. He will look at the world from his feelings, emotions, experience, likes and dislikes. He will have some information which we may not have.
In `the self' and `the other', we are attached to the problem or the situation. The third perspective is called `the observer'. This third position is the perspective of an independent observer, who is not at all connected to the situation. This position is like that of a judge who takes an independent view of the situation, which his own emotions, feelings, experience and information.
The concept of `perceptual position' in NLP is very interesting and useful and we are going to learn a lot of this from this section.
Keep reading…
N C Sridharan
000
__._,_.___
.
__,_._,___
[Time-Management] Mind, O My Dear Mind!
31st January 2012
There is one more interesting aspect with reference to the time line concept. If you are too much attached to the present, the chances are that you may not be able to overcome temporary setbacks.
Let's say that there is a set back in business. The three sets of people, namely the past oriented, present oriented and the future oriented will respond as below:
- Present oriented: `I don't know how to handle this', `let me speak to my friends on how to handle it', `let me explore the various dimension of this problem', `let me find out if anyone else is having this same problem now'
- Past oriented: `what did I do in the past that I have this', `I have never had this type of a problem in the past', `this problem should not affect the reputation that I have established all these years', `let me speak to someone who have had this problem in the past'
- Future oriented: `let me do something so that I do not have the same problem in future', `this problem should not affect my future prospects'
I am sure that by now you would have understood how the mental programme of the three types of people interprets and processes the same experience of setback!
N C Sridharan
000
__._,_.___
.
__,_._,___
[Time-Management] Mind, O My Dear Mind!
25th January 2012
We need to have a sense of balance. When our balance is disturbed, we feel tensed up. We experience pressure. In this mindset, we will not be able to take any quality decision. Just imagine what will happen if one leg of a tripod is long, short or missing! This is what happens when a person lives too much in the past, present or future. We need to have all the resources, including mental resource. A well balanced and mature mind is an asset.
We have to understand if we suffer from this lack of balance. One way is to notice our thought process. We have to be conscious if we very often live in the past, the future or in future. We have to notice what we say. We can ask our friends and people who move with us. Perhaps we may not be aware of our own thinking pattern. Our own understanding may be deceptive.
We can try self affirmation statements to free ourselves of this time orientation. For example, if we are too much attached to the past, we can mentally repeat the following self affirmation statements:
- I will succeed, irrespective of how I have fared in the past.
- I have all the resources to rewrite my future and live my present.
- I am mature enough to learn from my past mistakes and come up in life.
Try the above and notice the difference in your life!
N C Sridharan
000
__._,_.___
.
__,_._,___
[Time-Management] Mind, O My Dear Mind!
24th January 2012
With reference to my discussion on timeline, one of the readers gave this feedback: `Your example of dress is confusing and seems incomplete, and requires more explanation to understand time context'. Since we are learning an important life skill portfolio, I would like to clarify such doubts as and when they are presented to me.
The example here is to our trait of choosing a particular dress when we have many better options. Let us say that we have a black shirt and we like that shirt for our own reasons. May be it was presented to us by our dear and dear one, or we have a sentimental attachment to that dress. Since we have a strong liking to that shirt, we will be choosing that shirt for an occasion which perhaps may not suit. In some cultures, black is a taboo.
Similarly, we may be hanging on to our past by virtue of our inner programming and for anything and everything; we will have our past as our reference point. For example, if we had failed in some of our projects, we may be afraid to launch any new project due to our trait of hangover to the past.
The same principle will work if we have special attachment the other time preferences.
NLP offers some useful processes which will help us to get away from this mindset, which may be affecting our life style.
As we go along in this series, we will be discussing more such thinking patterns.
N C Sridharan
000
__._,_.___
.
__,_._,___
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
