18th June 2010
POSITIVE vs. NEGATIVE
"Instead of always harping on a man's faults, tell him of his virtues. Try to pull him out of his rut of bad habits. Hold up to him his better self, his real self that can dare and do and win out."
Eleanor Porter
Take a sheet of white paper and put a block dot at the center. Show the paper to your friend and ask him what he sees. More often than not, he will tell you that he saw a black dot! The white background will not catch his attention. Only the black dot will get noticed. That is human nature.
The same principle applies to noticing the virtues or faults of a person. We may not be able to appreciate the good things in a person. We will immediately notice the not so good things.
The irony in life is what is noticed will grow. If you notice bad things in a person, it will grow. On the other hand if you notice good things in a person, it will also grow. The one way you can infuse self confidence in a person is to tell him all the good things so that the same is reinforced.
We can apply this principle for our self development also. We get agitated and feel bad when goof up things. Small mistakes make us lose our self confidence and we start brooding over the same even after the even is over. Over a period of time, we become a `gloom factory'!
While we go through such a phase in our life, it will be a good idea to list all the good qualities we have and all the good things we have done. When faced with failure, it will be good idea to list all the success stories we have created, big or small. This will help us to bounce back to our original state of mind.
Over this weekend, list three people whose good things never appealed to you and list at least five things in which they are good. Give this feedback them. Not only that. Make it as a habit. Notice how the quality of your friendship grows over a period of time!
N C Sridharan
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