26th July 2010
"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth."
Benjamin Disraeli
We all have feelings and we express them whether we are aware of it or not. Many of us feel that we should not express our feelings. When we were children we felt free to express our feelings without feeling guilty. When we were angry we shouted and when we were happy we laughed. We cried when we were overcome with sorrow. We felt jealous when our friend had something which we did not have. We felt proud when we had something which our friend did not have. We shouted in ecstasy when we were happy. Overcome with anger we fought and even hit our friends. We went rebellious and we loved.
What is most important is the fact that we expressed our feelings without any reservations. In fact we did not even think for a moment if we could feel the way we felt.
But over a period of time, we were conditioned not to express our feelings. We were told not to express our anger, hatred, love, irritation, excitement, envy etc. We were told and taught how to suppress our feelings. In fact, we were taught how to suppress our feelings than how to express our feelings appropriately.
This is what we have to unlearn and get trained. We have to train ourselves how to express our feelings appropriately instead of suppressing the same. We have to shift our strategy from suppression to expression.
So, how to unlearn? Get trained. Join a course on how to communicate assertively. Read books on assertiveness. Observe people who express their feelings without feeling guilty and without offending others.
N C Sridharan
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