3rd June 2011
The gap between feeling and action...
`Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it'
William Arthur Ward
This is school admission time and I am in the process of admitting students into the higher secondary classes. I come across a cross section of students – students who have done exceedingly well, students who have done above average and students who have done below average. Irrespective of their performance, every student wants the best branch of studies possible. Everyone wants to be an engineer, a doctor etc., irrespective of how they fared in their High School Final Exam.
When I meet students who have not done well, their parents tell me that their child `has felt sorry for the low mark and that they will do well in the higher class'.
We should understand that feeling for what happened need not result in a counter action. There is a gap between feeling and action. We may feel sorry for offending someone's self respect, but we may not be willing to express regret; we may feel genuinely angry at someone for being unfair to us, but we will not express what and how we feel; we may feel really grateful on receiving a help from someone, but we will not express the same in words and actions; we may feel angry on ourselves for being lazy, but we will not take steps to fight our laziness.
But feelings are very important to make us to think in a particular way. It is the like the ignition key of an automobile. Ignition key alone cannot make the vehicle move. Similarly, feelings alone cannot make a big difference. We need the will power and determination to convert the feelings into actions.
Once we feel in a particular way, we should process that feeling and decide what we want to do as a result of that feeling. For this the thought process that goes on in our mind is very important.
For example: ` I feel bad that I wounded the sentiments of my good friend; I must do amends and go and apologise for what I've done'; `I feel embarrassed that I did not greet my wife on her birthday; I should express my regret and assure her that it will not happen again'.
With this internal dialogue, we will be able to build strong inter personal relationship, using our immediate feelings as our starting point.
Try it out!
N C Sridharan
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