[Time-Management] Mind, O My Dear Mind!

 

1st February, 2012

I want to discuss one more mental programme called `perceptual position'. We have three types of perceptual positions called – `the self', `the other', and `the observer'. We look at the various happenings around us from these positions. This aspect of our inner programme is also called `point of view'.

`The self' is the position from which we look at the world from our own point of view. All of us have our own feelings, emotions, experience, likes and dislikes. We have our own information, which may not be known to others. We may have our own logic and justifications to rationalize our behaviours and actions.

`The other' is the point of view of the person who is also involved with us in the same situation or experience. He will have his own point of view which may not be known to us. He will look at the world from his feelings, emotions, experience, likes and dislikes. He will have some information which we may not have.

In `the self' and `the other', we are attached to the problem or the situation. The third perspective is called `the observer'. This third position is the perspective of an independent observer, who is not at all connected to the situation. This position is like that of a judge who takes an independent view of the situation, which his own emotions, feelings, experience and information.

The concept of `perceptual position' in NLP is very interesting and useful and we are going to learn a lot of this from this section.

Keep reading…

N C Sridharan

www.thetimefoundation.com

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[Time-Management] Mind, O My Dear Mind!

 

31st  January 2012

There is one more interesting aspect with reference to the time line concept. If you are too much attached to the present, the chances are that you may not be able to overcome temporary setbacks.

Let's say that there is a set back in business. The three sets of people, namely the past oriented, present oriented and the future oriented will respond as below:

  • Present oriented: `I don't know how to handle this', `let me speak to my friends on how to handle it', `let me explore the various dimension of this problem', `let me find out if anyone else is having this same problem now'
  • Past oriented: `what did I do in the past that I have this', `I have never had this type of a problem in the past', `this problem should not affect the reputation that I have established all these years', `let me speak to someone who have had this problem in the past'
  • Future oriented: `let me do something so that I do not have the same problem in future', `this problem should not affect my future prospects'

I am sure that by now you would have understood how the mental programme of the three types of people interprets and processes the same experience of setback!

N C Sridharan

www.thetimefoundation.com

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[Time-Management] Mind, O My Dear Mind!

 

25th January 2012

We need to have a sense of balance. When our balance is disturbed, we feel tensed up. We experience pressure. In this mindset, we will not be able to take any quality decision. Just imagine what will happen if one leg of a tripod is long, short or missing! This is what happens when a person lives too much in the past, present or future. We need to have all the resources, including mental resource. A well balanced and mature mind is an asset.

We have to understand if we suffer from this lack of balance. One way is to notice our thought process. We have to be conscious if we very often live in the past, the future or in future. We have to notice what we say. We can ask our friends and people who move with us. Perhaps we may not be aware of our own thinking pattern. Our own understanding may be deceptive.

We can try self affirmation statements to free ourselves of this time orientation. For example, if we are too much attached to the past, we can mentally repeat the following self affirmation statements:

  • I will succeed, irrespective of how I have fared in the past.
  • I have all the resources to rewrite my future and live my present.
  • I am mature enough to learn from my past mistakes and come up in life.

Try the above and notice the difference in your life!

N C Sridharan

www.thetimefoundation.com

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[Time-Management] Mind, O My Dear Mind!

 

24th January 2012

With reference to my discussion on timeline, one of the readers gave this feedback: `Your example of dress is confusing and seems incomplete, and requires more explanation to understand time context'. Since we are learning an important life skill portfolio, I would like to clarify such doubts as and when they are presented to me.

The example here is to our trait of choosing a particular dress when we have many better options. Let us say that we have a black shirt and we like that shirt for our own reasons. May be it was presented to us by our dear and dear one, or we have a sentimental attachment to that dress. Since we have a strong liking to that shirt, we will be choosing that shirt for an occasion which perhaps may not suit. In some cultures, black is a taboo.

Similarly, we may be hanging on to our past by virtue of our inner programming and for anything and everything; we will have our past as our reference point. For example, if we had failed in some of our projects, we may be afraid to launch any new project due to our trait of hangover to the past.

The same principle will work if we have special attachment the other time preferences.

NLP offers some useful processes which will help us to get away from this mindset, which may be affecting our life style.

As we go along in this series, we will be discussing more such thinking patterns.

N C Sridharan

www.thetimefoundation.com

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[Time-Management] Mind, O My Dear Mind!

 

20th January 2012

How relevant is time orientation in our everyday life? Why should we worry about this aspect of our mental programming?

Let me explain this through a simple example. Supposing you have a very favourite dress which you want to wear for any occasion. There is nothing wrong in this. But what if you wear the same for any occasion regardless of the context!

This is what happens when you a have a time orientation which may be out of context. Supposing you have a strong past orientation, and if the past is not too happy, you are likely to recall the unpleasant past very often. Even of your present is very happy and joyful; you may not enjoy the same. Similarly if you are too much future oriented, you will not be able to live the happy moments the present is offering you! You will so busy planning your future that you will not have time to live today.

If you are too much connected to the present, you will not learn from the past and may not be spending enough time to plan your future.

You have to be aware of how you are internally wired and how the same is impacting your life. Once you understand this aspect of your life, it is easy to change and modify your internal programming!

Interesting?

N C Sridharan

www.thetimefoundation.com

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[Time-Management] Mind, O My Dear Mind!

 

19th January 2012

There are three time orientations – the past, the present and the future. In fact, we are `wired' to one of these three time parameters. Some of us are past oriented, some present oriented and some others future oriented.

I want to explain this by a simple, yet interesting experience in my school. One day we were discussing with some of the senior students about the school picnic. The teachers proposed some places. Here are some of the responses:

Student `A': `Oh, that's wonderful! But promise us that it will be as exciting as last year?'

Student `B': `We are excited sir. But can we make it an every year event in future also?'

Student `C': `Wow, that is very interesting and we are all looking for that great occasion. Tell us where all we are going!'

I am sure you would have correctly guessed the time orientation of the three students! We may not know. But we are wired this way. If we are predominantly past oriented, we will be living in the past even in the present. We will have the past as our reference point. If we are predominantly future oriented, we will be more and more thinking how the present is going to manifest itself in the future. If we are connected more to the present, we will be focusing more and more of what is happening here and now.

Sounds interesting? You will be even more interested to know how this aspect influences our thinking and outlook in life.

Keep reading….

N C Sridharan

www.thetimefoundation.com

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[Time-Management] Mind, O My Dear Mind!

 

18th January 2012

I have so far tried to explain the NLP presuppositions and how the same is relevant to understand our as well as others' behaviour. I am sure you will try to recall the same as and when a situation presents itself. Like any other concept, unless related to real life situation, theories by themselves are of no use.

Now I am going to present what is called `timeline' and a little later another concept called `perceptual position'. In `time line', we have three dimensions of time, the present, the past and the future. In `perceptual position', we have again three dimensions- the self, the other and the observer. If you connect the three dimensions of time and the three dimensions of perceptual position, you will get nine combinations! We can take any life issue and look at the same from the nine points of view to understand what we have to do with reference to that issue!

The main reason why I got attracted to the NLP concept is its simplicity and the way it explains the reason behind human behaviour. As I mentioned earlier, one of the purposes of NLP is to create a mutually supportive and respectful relationship between people. This is where NLP stands out as a simple common sense approach to understand and solve some of our life issues.

In the next few newsletters, I am going to explain the time line concept of NLP.

Getting curious to know? Keep reading…

N C Sridharan

www.thetimefoundation.com

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[Time-Management] Mind, O My Dear Mind!

 

17th January 2012

We are also coming to the end of the section on NLP presuppositions which explain why we behave the way we do. In my NLP seminars I used to start with a powerful question: `why do we do what we do and why do we do the way we do it?'. At the first reading, this sentence may look confusing, but if you read the same couple of times, you will understand the real meaning behind the same. We are programmed to do in a particular way. We are also programmed not to do in a particular way. We cannot be manipulated and such manipulations will be very temporary and like a rubber band we will go back to our original state.

I would suggest that you take one NLP presupposition every day and process your experience through that and try to understand your behaviour from that perspective. NLP presuppositions are like a technical book that you get along with an electronic or electrical gadget. When the gadget does not work, you go through the book to understand why the gadget is malfunctioning. You don't blame the gadget. If you cannot understand the gadget, you take it to a person who understands the same. You trust the technology and not yourself.

The same is true with reference to our body and mind. We have to understand why our body behaves in a particular way. When the body is tired, we have to appreciate it; when the body is energetic, we have to appreciate it; when the body is lazy we have to understand it; when someone shouts at us, we have to appreciate their perspective.

These principles made you think? Keep reading….

N C Sridharan

www.thetimefoundation.com

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[Time-Management] Mind, O My Dear Mind!

 

16th January 2012

A friend of mine is anxiously waiting for a decision from someone. The decision is very important for my friend. But the other person is remaining silent. Given the context in which the decision has to be taken and conveyed, the other person does not realise the meaning of his silence in the mind of my friend.

Later on in this series we are going to understand what is called `perceptual positions' in NLP. We have to understand the emotions of others from five positions: the self, the other, the observer, the context and the purpose. You will understand the meaning of your suspense when someone keeps you guessing on an important issue!

Recently I was addressing a group of school final students and I explained to them on the importance of `social skills'. Communication is a very critical social skill. I explained to them that what they communicate to the outside world about themselves need not be through words only. We have to understand that no matter we say, others will easily know what we mean! If others understand exactly what we mean, we are effective communicators. We have to ensure that there is congruency in what we say and what others understand. This will decide our image and our image is a very important input which will decide our success!

Keep thinking about the NLP presupposition `you cannot NOT communicate' and check if you are already communication what you don't what to communicate about yourself!

N C Sridharan

www.thetimefoundation.com

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[Time-Management] Mind, O My Dear Mind!

 

13th January 2012

Here's another NLP presupposition: `you cannot NOT communicate'!  Did you notice a double negative in this presupposition? This means that you are always communicating, not necessarily through words. You communicate by your eyes, facial expression, tonality, body posture, inflection etc. In fact research on communication says that  words decide merely 8% of the effectiveness!

Later in this series we will be discussion the visual, auditory and kinesthetic ways of communication. Human beings are perhaps the only species who can influence the mind of others by audio, video and experiential modes of communication.

Next time when someone is communicating with you, notice if there is congruency in what they say and how they say. If you are sensitive, you will be able to notice this gap. When someone is promising to pick you up from your house, if you `listen' attentively, you can anticipate if he is going to pick up or not.

Be sensitive to the following:

  • When you arrive late for an appointment, what do you communicate?
  • When your child is seriously explaining what happened in his school, if you are fiddling with your BlackBerry, what do you communicate?
  • When someone tells you that he lost his dear one, what does your facial expression communicate?

Remember that others are intelligent enough to understand your hidden communication.

More on this will follow….

N C Sridharan

www.thetimefoundation.com

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